I took the chicks to a large retail establishment this afternoon to get pictures taken. i’m not going to identify this place by its real name, so i’ll give it a pseudonym: we’ll just call it Devil-mart.
So, i go to Devil-mart this afternoon for my scheduled appointment and i’m helped by the most dour employee ever. I think that if there’s some type of country-wide competition for Devil-mart Employee with Most F***ED Up Attitude, she’d win. No contest. We’ll call her Bitchy McJacktooth.
I waited patiently for her to continue helping a family who’d just gotten photos taken. I heard her tell them as they were about to make their final photo selection, “look, make sure ya’ll don’t want to change yer order before i place it, becuz you won’t be able to change it.” Bitchy McJacktooth wasn’t exactly nice when she said it. After placing and paying for their order, they asked if they could make another appointment, and she flatly replied without looking at them “sure.”
Bitchy, you’re killing them with the quality customer service.
When Trixie and Dixie were up, she started walking towards the camera and said over her shoulder “i’m ready when you are.”
I said “what exactly am i supposed to be doing?”
She said “put ‘em on the posing table.”
I said “well, i’d like to get one pose for each girl and then a pose of them together.”
She said “yeah, i wuz gonna take a bunch of pictures of them. we usually ask that when there’s two baybees, that both parents be here to stand beside each child on the posing table. but, you know, we can risk it.”
This bitch actually said “we can risk it.”
I replied “i’m not cool with risking it.”
She then said “yeah, cuz i gonna say, it’s not a good idea.”
From this point on, she brightly apoligized and asked me if i wanted to make another appointment. Funny how her mood brightened when she realized she wasn’t going to have to help me.
i started to ask her what exactly single parents of multiples are supposed to do if there is no “other parent” to come to the photo session, but really, what’s the point? Bitchy McJacktooth most likely would have given me some lousy answer that would have irritated me even more.
And plus, really: she didn’t care about my problems and clearly had many of her own.
Having once again failed at giving Devil-mart my money to have photos taken (this was indeed my second attempt), i think it’s pretty obvious that i need to try my luck with JCPenny or Sears.
I really hope things go better for me at one of these places, otherwise it looks like i’m not going to get Trixie and Dixie’s pictures taken until their high school graduation.
My dottahs' a HOWAH!
20-something girl in Target to me: oh my gaaawd! your babies are so cute! can you tell me how i can have twins?
20-something's mother: girl, please. you DEFINITELY know what to do to have babies.
20-something's mother: girl, please. you DEFINITELY know what to do to have babies.
Next time, be specific!
Mom, looking down at her cell phone: oh, we missed Pop-Pop's call. Call him back and see what he's talking about.
hands phone to 7 year-old daughter
Daughter: Pop-pop? What are you talking about?
hands phone to 7 year-old daughter
Daughter: Pop-pop? What are you talking about?
And shut the door on your way out!!
Bus rider: (sitting down in bus shelter)
Homeless Man: What do you think you're doing?!
Bus Rider: sitting at the bus stop.
Homeless Man: I didn't invite you into my living room!!
Homeless Man: What do you think you're doing?!
Bus Rider: sitting at the bus stop.
Homeless Man: I didn't invite you into my living room!!
A full appreciation for the definition of irony
A few weeks ago i decided to start riding the bus to work in order to SAAAAVE MONEEEEEY.
Sure, it would mean that i would have to drive past the Park and Ride lot to get to the daycare and double back after dropping off the chicks, but it would totally be worth it because it’s going to help me SAAAAVE MONEEEEYYY!
And it almost seems like the hip thing to do. Many of us who don’t really have to ride the bus…yet….find ourselves rubbing our arms for warmth as we tell each other earnestly how $4.00 a gallon has finally driven us to make changes in our lives and thank GOD for the area transit system because we need to SAAAAVVVE MONEEEYYYY!!
Meanwhile, the people who have been riding the buses and trains out of a different sort of necessity wonder when all these other jokers are gonna get tired of being “down to earth” and give them back their seats.
but i digress….
So earlier this week, i got up early, got the girls ready, got us out of the house and them to daycare so that I could go to the Park and Ride and SAAAAAAAVE my little family some serious MONEEEEYYYYY!!
and then i got a $100 parking ticket.
i’ve driven to work every day this week since.
Sure, it would mean that i would have to drive past the Park and Ride lot to get to the daycare and double back after dropping off the chicks, but it would totally be worth it because it’s going to help me SAAAAVE MONEEEEYYY!
And it almost seems like the hip thing to do. Many of us who don’t really have to ride the bus…yet….find ourselves rubbing our arms for warmth as we tell each other earnestly how $4.00 a gallon has finally driven us to make changes in our lives and thank GOD for the area transit system because we need to SAAAAVVVE MONEEEYYYY!!
Meanwhile, the people who have been riding the buses and trains out of a different sort of necessity wonder when all these other jokers are gonna get tired of being “down to earth” and give them back their seats.
but i digress….
So earlier this week, i got up early, got the girls ready, got us out of the house and them to daycare so that I could go to the Park and Ride and SAAAAAAAVE my little family some serious MONEEEEYYYYY!!
and then i got a $100 parking ticket.
i’ve driven to work every day this week since.
And a cold brought them all down
Am i living in a chapter of The Stand?
How is it possible for two little people to have this much mucus in their heads? Come ON!
Some background….
Last Tuesday, my little girls were the picture of 6 month old health. Cooing, laughing, playing, and terrorizing the other babies in daycare. Same as always.
Then on Wednesday, things changed. My kids got sick. Congestion? Check. Runny noses? Check. Coughing and hacking? Check squared.
And then came the unthinkable: Wednesday night, my kids woke up every 45 to 60 minutes to scream at me for allowing them to get sick. And the congestion and sheer volume of phlegm had me wondering if perhaps the Super Flu had been unleashed by the government after all.
It reminded me of the horror that was my maternity leave. It reminded me that birth control is the greatest thing since Makers Mark on ice.
Four days later, I am still dodging flying snot and yesterday Camryn threw up all over me, herself, and the couch cushion. Aren’t i supposed to getting medal for this?
Where the hell is my MEDAL!
How is it possible for two little people to have this much mucus in their heads? Come ON!
Some background….
Last Tuesday, my little girls were the picture of 6 month old health. Cooing, laughing, playing, and terrorizing the other babies in daycare. Same as always.
Then on Wednesday, things changed. My kids got sick. Congestion? Check. Runny noses? Check. Coughing and hacking? Check squared.
And then came the unthinkable: Wednesday night, my kids woke up every 45 to 60 minutes to scream at me for allowing them to get sick. And the congestion and sheer volume of phlegm had me wondering if perhaps the Super Flu had been unleashed by the government after all.
It reminded me of the horror that was my maternity leave. It reminded me that birth control is the greatest thing since Makers Mark on ice.
Four days later, I am still dodging flying snot and yesterday Camryn threw up all over me, herself, and the couch cushion. Aren’t i supposed to getting medal for this?
Where the hell is my MEDAL!
