Fear and I got really well acquainted today

Got some news today that was sort of a downer: i didn’t get a job i was really hoping to land. this job would have enabled me to get where i want to be in the next 3.5 years and would have given me flexibility in my schedule and a chance to actually feel like i’m growing in my career instead of withering away behind a desk.

this on top of a horrifying weekend of arguments with that dude i married where i got to see all of my flaws trotted out to me….but only after they’d been costumed and put on stilts.

and then i had to deal with a nagging fear that i may lose my housing and have to put myself at the mercy of housing providers and possibly face even MORE rejection. i am afraid that i won’t be able to provide safe decent housing for the twins.

these are precisely the moments when i feel less able to provide and more likely to disappoint; when i feel i don’t really have the ability to stave off disaster and there are way too many eyes on me waiting to see me fall. this is all to say: i am not in a good place right now.

but on a positive note: found a recipe for a delicious looking shredded beef taco salad. totally trying it out this weekend!!!